In response to another few asks we got:
First of all thank you for the compliment! We do love to incorporate as much intimacy and emotion as we can because - unlike perhaps some other blogs or just blogs run by individuals - our fantasies and play affect our relationship and things change and grow as a result of that. We promised to ourselves to try and share everything on our blog as long as we can find the words for it and although we keep a few things here and there we’ve shared a lot more than we thought we ever would a year ago.
That’s a big thing for us. It’s all real.
To answer your question as to how long we’ve been dating… M and I have been together since about the beginning of January 2011. Literally I mean New Year’s day. A lot of it was just me realizing that certain things I was doing were things I wanted to stop doing and I just wanted to be a better person. M was that for me. He was kind and intelligent and just plain lovely. And whenever we talked I always laughed and smiled and couldn’t stop just putting my arm around his arm or his neck and just nuzzling him or ruffling his hair. I wanted to be with him forever. That’s all I wanted.
So we’ve been dating since maybe April that year. Almost four years now. But I’ve known I’ve loved him since just about that New Years night way back then. And I guess I’ve realized I can’t live without him since around that time too.
But I’ve also known I couldn’t just be with him since maybe summer that year as well. It took a lot for me to not sleep with other men (and a lot to not admit that to M although I knew I could and wanted to). I’ve hardly been monogamous since high school (I was monogamous with my ex but that was an on-off thing so I’m not sure it could count as a relationship) and I’ve slept with a number of men over the course of my life. I won’t say I have any sort of excuse for doing so but what I’ve realized is that maybe it’s just best to accept it as a part of myself. I’ve always felt attracted to certain men and I’ve always felt a desire and need for certain kinds of sex and sexuality. I’ve tried different things over my life - distracting myself from those things or distancing or denying them. But I’ve found that part of me just hungers and devours itself if I do that. And in the end I always (always!) just give in and binge.
I just can’t feel satisfied without fulfilling that part of me and M and I learned that the hard way after that summer.
I think that’s also the catalyst for us discussing it and openly sharing and fantasizing together. I guess I’m just lucky that M is so accepting and understanding. And that he (in his terms because he’s here as I’m writing this) “only wishes he could have seen me in action”. Don’t get me wrong it hurt both of us but we realized the secrecy was more harmful than anything. Lots of little talks and fantasy play and years of cuckolding later… and here we are. More in love (and busy!) than ever. And also more sexually fulfilled as a result.
And that’s also a big part of our play. M’s wish to have seen/to see me in action is a big dream of his. It’s something I tease him with (and allow him little glimpses when I feel he deserves it) and something we’re slowly building toward. He’s heard me over the phone once. He’s seen me flirting with and getting touched by my ex. But I’ve never let him actually see me. That’s something we both agree with for right now. Him seeing me should be something special. We’re still saving that.
So obviously that’s something M still wants to experience. As to where our boundaries are drawn? That’s something we still talk about. One obvious one for both of us is involving friends and family. We still haven’t done that and don’t intend to (and we talk with people on the internet because who else would we talk to?) and that’s for good reason. A lot of people we know just wouldn’t understand or accept it. And for the sake of just keeping things friendly and nice we don’t talk about it. We don’t give them any sort of clues (even including anyone we might want to include in our play. Like the Power-Flower couple!)
And I guess we don’t really have any other boundaries than that. We talk about things before they happen (for the most part although we’re relinquishing a tiny bit of that lately) and we always talk after things happen. There are sexual things both M and I won’t do but that’s more personal preference and I won’t mention those things on here. I guess a lot of the contrast that comes up is things we both desire and yet both stop ourselves from indulging in because of the risks associated with them. They’re pretty obvious and we mention them constantly so I won’t write them here either. But M’s things and my things are still things we talk about all the time.
Our fears are also based on those things I guess. Other than people finding out it’s really about the risk… but just like anything else in life the risk is part of it (and for us the risk can be so deliciously delightful to give in t… uhh) and we accept that. It’s a part of life. And we communicate with each other to mitigate any consequences from that. But we like to indulge sometimes. We talk about it and fantasize and sometimes we do give in just a little bit to make things more special. But again it’s all weighed and mitigated.
We plan and consider everything. And we talk and love. It isn’t always just sex or cuckolding (and it’s also why we haven’t been posting as much lately too) because there are times when we genuinely just spend time going for walks or playing video games or anything. Life can get pretty busy sometimes and it’s always important to make time. Because what’s life without actual (consequentless) fun?
Like I mentioned before… I just can’t live without the laughs and smiles and warm feelings M gives me.
- H & M