Indeed they are. I think, in order for the arrangement to work in the first place, communicate between everyone has to involve everyone, and I’m certainly a topic that comes up for them.
Especially during their first set of dates, H and her ex spent a lot of time talking about limits and such, and he was curious about the reasons why I’d be okay with her seeing him again, and who I had grown into after high school. So they do discuss me, but not as much as those first days. When they’re playing, it’s all about them.
We’ve talked once together (all three of us over lunch) and he’s actually quite nice. He still has that bit of the socially dominant and non-chalant air that he had in high school, and he still has a bit of a thing for her, but he respects our relationship and rules nonetheless.
And if we’re being honest, he’s actually sort of our ideal candidate. Back in high school the reason they broke up was no matter how much fun and sex they had, he was never really into the quieter stay-at-home moments of relationships which H loves (and vice versa with me; I’m not that into fast going fun, which H loves and gets from him.) So H gets the best of both worlds in that regard.
We still have bullying moments, but they actually mostly come from H teasing me. Case in point: we were playing casually last night while watching tv. She was texting him and orating what each of them was saying “He says he wants to kiss me so badly right now… he says he wants to kiss me all over my body… I’m going to tell him I wish he could just come over and do it right now… sweety, don’t you see what he’s doing to your girlfriend?” while her other hand was buried in her panties.
Needless to say, it’s not really bullying, but it’s sort of a passive turn on for both of us. And it’s something that happens when she’s alone with either of us (and more in the direction of “you’re so powerful, you’re so strong, take me now, take me from him” when she’s with him.)
It’s a big benefit for each of us.
- M
We’ve talked about a few things, but H has her mind pretty set on one thing which I’m sure she’s going to make happen. We’ve talked about it, and if you’ve read any of our posts about her and my biggest fantasies, I’m sure you can guess what it is. It’s a safe time for her, and she’s really been teasing me with the idea of taking him unprotected again, so that’s going to be the most likely thing.
In all likelihood, it’ll probably be a few days of that, but something more special on Valentine’s day itself. I have a few ideas kicking around my head, but as mentioned in a past post, mentioning it here would be spoiling it for her.
We’ll just have to see.
- M
Ohhhh yeah. That’s a big one for us.
That’s a bit of why he kind of wanted me to see my ex in the first place I guess. There wasn’t much bullying going on but more like my ex (and I to some extent) disregarded him as a dork and someone who really didn’t fit into our social circle. We were the “popular kids” and he was a nobody and that feeling of social dominance is a turn on for him (and myself as well).
But if you’re talking about did he get beat up or would I get turned on by someone doing that to him? No. Neither of us is into actual physical harm (him being tied up or me being spanked doesn’t count) and I don’t think I could ever date or have sex with anyone who meant to actually genuinely hurt M.
But being mean to him in verbal or emotional terms is still an area of play for us. Me telling him my ex is bigger, better, and whatever else is always a big turn on for him. And I also like playing with the idea that I’m willing to do more for my ex because he’s a better or stronger man. And also with the idea that my ex could boss me or M around and that he takes what he wants. And him taking me could be like him taking M’s lunch money or a toy on the playground… that’s a feeling we love to play with.
In fact one of my favourite ways to tease M is to say something like “Aww sweety… don’t you know he’s taking me away from you? Are you really just going to sit there and cry like a little boy and jerk off? Aren’t you going to try and stop him?” and then something like “Hmm… I guess you’re right. He would actually win if you tried to get into a physical fight or anything… well I guess you should just go home and play some video games while I go with him to his house… and we fuck in his bedroom for a few hours… try not to masturbate too much thinking about him coming inside me okay?”
So yeah… seeing him get all worked up thinking about me or another man being passively mean to him (or him wanting me and yet not being able to because another man has taken me away) is something that gets him really angsty and hard and me really wet. But I guess it’s like there is a line between being mean and being hurtful too. And we only like to play on one side of it.
- H
Thank you. But I’m not really sure I want to make long posts about what I do with my ex. I tell them to M when we’re in bed and those sessions take long enough and even when they’re short that’s mostly because I want to tease him and withhold information.
Either way I guess it would just take too long to post things and I think we both post enough in the captions anyway. And if I posted the things I withhold from him to share at a later date then it would kind of ruin keeping them from him in the first place because M reads this blog just as much as I do.
So if you enjoy our captions and what we write under them (or live vicariously through them) then that’s great! But at the end of the day we both want this blog to be about us and if we start writing everything out for everyone else then that kind of puts our priorities in jeopardy. And prioritizing your partner is the most important thing in this lifestyle as you can probably guess.
- H
Thanks for the ask and trust me, that’s a fact we’re very aware of.
Thing is, it’s not really the pregnancy that turns H (and myself) on. The idea of raising a child (and the paternity being questionable no less) is something we don’t want (at least not yet, and not with other people.)
The thrill comes from the risk, the fact that being risky would mean being so turned on (or for her, so submissive and perhaps promiscuous) that she would forgo rational thought and forsake relational commitment (with a pinch of being bad for the sake of it.) We’ve both said this before, but it’s the whole caveman paradigm. The thought that he could take her regardless of what risks it might entail for her or me is a powerful turn on.
So a pregnancy itself isn’t the fantasy. And, in this context at least, that’s why it won’t become a reality.
- M
Kind of a post to go along with the caption I just put up. I got an ask from someone who wanted to keep private so I’ll answer it this way instead.
The question was: “Are you two always turned on by the cuckolding thing? Do either of you ever want to stop sometimes?”
The answer, whole-heartedly, is no to the first and yes to the second.
To simplify things, H and I can both get into “cuckolding mode” (for lack of a better term), where one or both of us will be turned on and in the mood to do some stuff. But that isn’t all the time.
I’ll run through an average day for us:
- H and I will wake up. We might tease or do some light stuff, but generally nothing much.
- H and I will then go to class or work, and for the most part (aside from a few thoughts here and there), we don’t think about it at all.
- H and I then come home. And up until the time we actually go to sleep, “cuckold mode” is fair game. We can sense when the other isn’t into it, but this time can involve teasing, playing, or even (like tonight) her going on a date with someone.
As you can tell, we only really play during our private times–when we’re not in public or discussing public things. That’s changing a bit with her dating her ex now, but for the most part it’s a secret from everyone we know. But when we’re alone, as long as we’re in the mood, we do it.
And if we’re not, we’re usually cuddled up and watching a movie or reading or playing video games. We’re still in love and in a nerdy relationship after all. And if either of us is stressed, busy, sick, or anything else, our play takes a back seat. Again, that comes with the whole communication thing–play only works when both people understand and want something to happen.
And as we get closer, those turned-on times for us tend to overlap. That’s the beauty of a long lasting loving relationship.
Hope that answers your question.
- M
Thank you and I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to send us an ask.
The truth is… I’m not exactly sure of it myself. I don’t get off on hurting M as much as I do teasing him and flaunting my sexuality around him. But as I said in a previous post I think on some subconscious level I actually may be sadistic in that I get aroused when I see him emotionally anxious and all of that. It’s fun and the sex is its own reward but something both M and I have noticed is that I do get considerably more turned on when we play (talk and think) around things like me denying him sex or forming a strong emotional connection with someone else (and at our most extreme… me even physically leaving him to have a more intense or permanent sexual relationship with another man). But even though it gets me hot as I said I can’t explain it. But can anyone out there actually explain why certain kinks turn them on while others don’t?
So yes I guess it’s a bit of both. Sex with other men (and recently especially with my ex) is incredible for me… but so is hurting and betraying M to some extent too. I can’t explain either of them but having them both together can feel intoxicating. It’s like adding your biggest turn on/kink to your second biggest turn on/kink. it makes you hot on a level that goes through the roof even if you don’t know why. Couple that with my kinks for submissiveness and that feeling of “falling for someone” which is actually a very real possibility now with my ex… it doesn’t just go through the roof… but the stratosphere as well.
Maybe that just makes things more confusing but I hope it helps.
- H
Well I never said cucking wasn’t fun and maybe it’s just a little more fun doing it with a big audience! But really I just love cucking M and we’ve both been crazy busy with classes and part time jobs and everything starting up again lately. We’re not even sure whether we should post every ask (we ended up replying to about half privately because we don’t want to spam our own tumblr page) but we’re sure to answer each one.
And yes! It’s what we make it and we’re really having fun with it so far. I know I said this in a previous post but these captions really help us figure things out and communicate more. They’re like little notes we give to each other to say “I love you” and turn each other on.
- H
Well let me just say that first I’m not really sure if you said your boyfriend is okay with it. On your blog it says he knows but I didn’t really read if it’s something he wants too. Be sure it’s something you both want!
But that being said you’re still young, you’re still a woman, you know what you want and need. If that includes sex then nothing should stop you from getting that. But again communication is key! Things can quickly get really complicated and harmful to your relationships and public life and such if you don’t talk and think things through.
- H
Yes I did! You’ll probably read what happened because I just posted it in a caption but I’m pretty sure you’ve guessed by now anyway.
And my ex took it quite well. We both sent really long emails and then talked at length about it over texts, in the coffee shop, and during another in person meeting too. I know I’ve said this before but the most important part is always communication and making sure of everything beforehand is the best way to make sure no one gets hurt… even if being hurt (to a small extent!) is a turn on for some people. It’s all good if it’s what everyone wants. :)
- H
Wow we got a ton of follows in the past few hours… no doubt from one or two people on here who reblogged us. Thank you all so very much!
We also got a ton of asks like this. Yes we’ll do our best to switch the font or background colour so it’s more readable. Thanks for letting us know!
- H
We just got an ask from a tumblr-er who wishes to remain private, so we’ll answer it in a post instead.
The person asked what kind of relationship we have, and to give a word to describe it in a set term, or to make up one if we found none appropriate.
Our answer is as follows:
We don’t know.
There are a ton of words out there, but our arrangement is rather fluid (we created the blog to explore and push, after all) and labels usually have specific connotations which may or may not apply to us in one or another circumstance.
The word “cuckolding” might imply some form of humiliation or H being in control over M sexually. That’s slightly true. M does love light humiliation, especially when it comes to being helpless while H takes or gets taken by a lover. However, neither M nor H are turned on by degrading each other or forcing M to go down on her after a lover to eat leftovers. And while H does love being submissive to other men and in a more dominant position in regard to M, the reality of a safe word and moods always override that.
The word “hotwife” or “slutwife” don’t entirely work. Although H is beautiful (in M’s words), the connotations of hot and slut bring forward a more cultural way of judging someone. H has rather wild wispy hair, a little pouch of a tummy, doesn’t shave or wax anywhere (except armpits, and she has really light hair on her arms and legs), and refuses to paint her face with things that may or may not contain harmful chemicals. She would also either ignore or slap anyone who called her a slut in public. So she isn’t really the portrayal of a girl you’d see on tv or movie posters. She’d never make any entertainment show’s “top 20” anything list. And we’re not married yet, so there’s that.
The term “polyamorous” is a strange one. We don’t share love–we love each other, no one else–but we both agree it’s possible to love others (family, friends, childhood pets, Game of Thrones) so we don’t exactly know what to say. She would love to indulge in the feeling of falling in love again (quite possibly with her ex, as mentioned in the last caption), but she would never want to leave M for him or live out the rest of her life without M by her side at night. Love’s a complicated word as it is–you can love one person, a group of people, and/or the feeling of eating a homemade cheeseburger on your apartment rooftop on a sunny Tuesday. (Edit: go listen to Adam Cohen’s “What Other Guy”, a song which might make you understand how we feel about each other a bit better (as opposed to others), if not make you sing along and swoon after a repeat playing.)
In the end (although this is maybe more of a beginning?) we chose cuckolding for one very childish reason: it sounds like fuck. H cucks M is something that sounded fun, so we went with that for our name. And “cucu” (curious and cuck) couple sounded kinda similar to “coo coo” (as in we’re a little coo coo crazy), which I suppose is a reaction to our first time discussing it hypothetically with someone–who thought it was crazy.
So it’s all about fun sexually. But why would we want anything else?
- M & H
Edit: This post is continued in this post.
When it comes to her ex, it’s all of those things.
His physicality is one part. That encompasses his size (in her words, it’s perfect), his stamina (for the most part, H and I make love, which doesn’t require all that much stamina, with him it was that half of the time and the other half spurts of against-the-wall-pound-your-brains-out moments), and simply his body (H is manly men, which I can’t really give her, and her ex is the epitome of masculine–muscular but toned, broad shoulders and jaw, the kind of person you’d expect to see on a hunky teen drama.)
His personality is another part. According to her, he can be really dominant (which she loves, at times) not just in bed but in life. His ability to push her is another thing (during the months of their break-up, he knew exactly what to say to charm her into “one last night” over and over again), along with a more naturalistic part of him. I don’t know exactly how to say it, so I’ll use a word she used once. He’s a “neanderthal”, because he takes what he wants and is a bit relentless when other people say no to him.
She teases me sometimes with the image of him being a cave man raider and me being a helpless villager–he plunders and takes his prize, and I can’t do it because of what I lack in my physicality and personality. That probably also plays into growing out her hair and teasing me about not using protection. With him, she reverts to her inner cave woman, and forsakes all modern day novelties. And that’s something she hasn’t really felt with anyone else.
- M
It was a borderline moment for both of us. It all happened in sort of an intoxicated haze, but after talking and playing with the fantasy for a while, we decided to just throw caution to the wind and try it.
I knew about it beforehand and knew where she would be. It happened at a hotel with someone I’d never met before, but someone she’d wanted to sleep with for a while. For privacy reasons, I won’t say exactly who it was, but I will say it was someone in a position of power over her.
It went well for the most part. She went down on him, he did the same for her, and they had sex twice. In H’s words, he wasn’t the best she’s ever had, but she did enjoy it.
When she came home we were more tentative instead of turned on. I’d already masturbated to my heart’s content by that time and was coming down, so it was more a moment of reassurance than anything. We both got naked, laid in bed, and just talked about it for a long time. Eventually we did bring each other to one last orgasm for the night then slept. The next day the same. In bed or around our apartment suite, just lazy and talking.
She never slept with him again. It was something they agreed would be a one time thing, and I’m sure he was more afraid than she was of anyone finding out.
Thanks for the ask, and maybe I’ll append this to the history page in case anyone wants to know in the future.
- M
Yes we do, as I think any rational couple does. For the most part our limits overlap, although at times they’re ambiguous.
One of H’s limits is that she doesn’t want emotions involved. After high school she had a few “relationships” (although that’s a tentative word) where she was in a state of almost perpetually falling for a number of different men. However, they weren’t willing to or capable of giving her the care and affection, love and attention she needed (which is why our relationship works out; I give an excess of it, she needs an excess of it.) So in order to avoid that, she won’t play with the word “love” when it comes to other men. All of that blurs when it comes to her ex however–she’d never leave me for him, but the thought of her falling for him again is something that both scares and excites us.
One of my limits for H is that she never be tied up. It’s something she’s wanted to try in the past with the men she’s met, but for safety reasons is something I can’t condone. The same goes for me not knowing where she is when she plays–I always have to know, and we have to keep in constant communication (at least every hour or so) just to be sure. Her physical safety is my top priority. The ambiguous part for that is when it comes to me. She has a few fantasies about tying me up to a chair and gagging me while she and someone go at it, so we keep that open as a possibility.
Being completely candid, we aren’t sure where most of our limits lie. Both of our families and friends are a hard limit. We don’t want them to know. That’s partly why we started this tumblr, to help explore and push the envelope, to communicate honestly with strangers in a safe space, because that’s the only way we can find out how much is too much.- M
I do like being in power with M most of the time. I don’t know why it’s just more thrilling for both of us and it feels… right. I don’t know how to put it into words but it feels more natural or honest for who we are.
When it comes to other men I would say I like it when instead of me giving the reins they just take them. Of course I have limits but for the most part I want someone who knows what I want deep down and just gives it to me without me having to ask.
That’s part of the fantasy for us too. We like talking about pushing our limits and “another man taking me from my boyfriend” is a big thing for both of us. It gets M more anxious and excited than anything else and it’s the weirdest thrill for me too. It’s probably most evident in our talk about me maybe seeing my ex again… M knows I’m all hormones and brain chemicals whenever I was with him and I was with him for years so he knows my cycles, what buttons to push and when, etc. That’s a big thing for M and it’s definitely one of the deeper points of play for us.
But so to answer your question… yes I do feel more dom with M and more submissive with certain other men.
- H
Well, if you’ve read our story, you’ll know it was a rather forced thing for us. She cheated, and we had to talk about our relationship because of that.
But I had fantasized about her in that way long before that moment (back in highschool, in fact) and that gave me a long while to figure out what turned me on and what I wanted. When we finally started talking about it, it just sort of came out. I told her I was into it, and things got a little physical, and ended in sex. To be honest, we weren’t entirely sober, and it just felt like things got out of control because we had no idea where our relationship was going.
That started things. Don’t get me wrong, we definitely had doubts. I didn’t want her to think that I thought of her in only one way (she had slept with a few guys before we started getting close as friends) and I didn’t want her to think I was a pervy freak. She was really worried that I was only going along with it because I didn’t want her to leave (which wasn’t untrue) or as a way to cope with her cheating.
The truth is, the only thing that makes it work is communication. Once something happens–she cheats, or you both roleplay a fantasy in bed, or you see something in a movie together and you discuss it the day after–that’s when you know if both of you can handle it or not. But, at least in my experience, it is rather tricky. If either of you closes up, then you could lose the possibility forever (especially if the other partner keeps pushing.)
So: introduce the idea, don’t push, and let her figure out if she’s into it. Communicate, and if she decides she’s not into it, let it drop. You can’t change what she’s into just as much as she can’t change what you’re into.
- M
p.s. It definitely is a constant process once you begin. Even now, we talk things through to test our limits and reassure each other.
H hasn’t slept with a ton of strangers (we’re mostly afraid of her safety), but the first time it happened was the biggest. There truly is nothing in the world like knowing the person you love just slept with someone else.
When we were lying in bed and she told me about it after, it was one of the most intense moments I’ve ever felt. It was a cocktail of emotions–jealousy and angst, horniness and need, comfort and love, and ambiguity. We were tentative about it, talked about it, and I will admit I felt a little guilty the next morning. It took a lot of reassurance from both of us that nothing was going to change between us.
Strangely though, the biggest thing I’ve noticed is just an emotional closeness that we didn’t have before. We communicate more and are more open and honest about things (partly through necessity, partly through who we are as people) and I think that comes from coming out of that first night (the “crisis moment” we like to call it) on top.
It certainly isn’t for all couples though, and it took us a long time to even get to the point where we could talk about it seriously and begin planning.
- M
Well, since you answered dozens of our questions, the least we could do is repay the favour, right?
M’s biggest fantasy is probably what he mentioned in his last caption: seeing H with her love/hate ex. (Although love/hate-fuck ex might be more accurate.) He gets turned on by the jealousy of that fantasy more than anything else, and it always shows when H mentions it in bed.
H’s biggest fantasy changes every now and then, but the one that gets her going time after time has always been risking pregnancy. She isn’t on the pill (she hasn’t been on the pill or other contraceptives due to a complicated medical condition, as we told you) and she’s not all that fond of condoms. So being with someone unprotected and not caring about what time of the month it is heats her like nothing else.
Although H has been a bit risky in the past, the second is mostly fantasy.
We’re currently thinking about the first. But if we do bring her ex into the fold, we’d do everything to mitigate any threats to our relationship. We’re not really worried though; we communicate endlessly (we learned our lesson after breaking up and not talking things through) and we both feel secure with what we have.H finds something in M that no one else has ever given her, and M feels the same way about her.
- M & H