I’ve hurt M. I let him watch as I fell in love with someone else in high school. I drove him crazy when we talked and I made him listen about guy after guy I slept with. I broke his heart when I cheated on him.
Sometimes I think he’s a masochist. He gets turned on whenever I mention those things. Whenever we play with fantasies of jealousy or other men taking me from him or me choosing other men over him, it gets him hard in a way no other playing can. He’s told me he’s spent every night since he met me either yearning for me or crying over me and masturbating to the thought of me and other men, and I don’t doubt it.
Sometimes I think I’m a sadist. Sometimes I go too far when I tease him. I tell him I’m going to make his past fantasies come true. I tell him I’m going to go out and sleep with a stranger. I tell him I’m going to fuck around unprotected. I tell him I’m going to start seeing my ex again but not tell him about it. I tell him I’m going to fall in love with someone and never let him inside me again…
Maybe it’s mean. But it turns him on like nothing else and it does the same for me. And I don’t know if it’s despite everything I’ve done or because of everything I do for him but he’s the sweetest, kindest, most loving person I’ve ever met. He says he’s a better person because of me and I feel the same way about him. We’re closer than ever because of cuckolding. I truly love him.
And so last night I promised him something… We both want this so it’s going to happen. I’m going to get back into contact with my ex today. I’m going to tell him about my relationship with M and what we both want from him. He’ll need to respect our love and relationship but I’m going to let him know how far we’re okay with it going. I know him. He’ll love it just as much as we will.
- H