We got a mail thing a while ago asking what we mean by “trigger” words.

What we mean when we talk about including words like “cheat”, “betray”, “bare”, “better”, etc. when we play is the emotions associated with them. If I tell M I’m “going out to see someone” as opposed to “I’m going out to cheat on you again”… there are different feelings associated with it. On one hand going out with someone reminds him that we’re both perfectly okay with the situation. And on the other hand “cheating” brings up emotions of jealousy and angst in him and betrayal and guilt in me.

But we don’t just like those emotions themselves. If he’s always angsty and I’m always guilty we both get turned off and we stop playing. But instead what we like to do is use those emotions in combination with ideas. Like I’m “cheating” on him because he’s helpless or he is too small to satisfy me or I just really want to fuck someone even though it’s something that hurts him (but then also makes him hard).

I guess it’s like M said in the whole caveman thing. We both know at the end of the day I don’t “love” my ex and I don’t “cheat” with other men and I don’t “hurt” M in any actual way. We don’t have to constantly say “oh are you okay with this? this is such a wonderful relationship we have!” because that goes without saying. So instead we just say the things that get him hard and me all warm and wet: like “I’m sorry sweety… I just really can’t stop cheating on you… my pussy just needs cock so badly…” or “you know I’m falling for my ex again… and yet all you can do is sit there and masturbate… you know I go bare with the man I love right?”

We use those words and phrases to work each other up and push each other over the edge (in many instances where it might be otherwise hard to do so… like the game we play where we can’t touch ourselves). So even though I’m not “falling” for my ex or “cheating” on him… both of those ideas–that my body is so insatiable I would do it because I can’t stop myself or that the hormones and chemicals I feel during sex and orgasm become so intense that I feel like I’m falling for someone–turn us on like nothing else. It’s like hitting a really sensitive spot in someone’s body except it’s psychological.

And if you’ve ever fantasized about anything other than a blowjob or normal missionary position… and that fantasy has turned you on more than normal… then that’s pretty much all it is. An idea or image you use to get off.

I hope that helps!

- H