“Today is just me and you… so… please… make me forget about him.”

Sometimes a woman doesn’t want to just have sex.

Sometimes she wants the thrill of the chase. Sometimes she wants to date someone and be seduced.

Sometimes she wants to kiss a lover. Sometimes she wants to make love and be held in his arms.

Sometimes she doesn’t want him to leave. She needs him. She yearns for him all the time.

Sometimes she wants to feel what it would be like if they were together. If she was his.

Sometimes she wants to give in to the risk… the betrayal… the feelings that could ruin everything…

- H

“It was when she kissed him.
It was when she held him in her arms… falling on top of him… feeling her body shaking and coming and coming. It was when she felt his hands on her hips… pushing her body down onto his… pushing his body up into hers. It... “It was when she kissed him.
It was when she held him in her arms… falling on top of him… feeling her body shaking and coming and coming. It was when she felt his hands on her hips… pushing her body down onto his… pushing his body up into hers. It... “It was when she kissed him.
It was when she held him in her arms… falling on top of him… feeling her body shaking and coming and coming. It was when she felt his hands on her hips… pushing her body down onto his… pushing his body up into hers. It... “It was when she kissed him.
It was when she held him in her arms… falling on top of him… feeling her body shaking and coming and coming. It was when she felt his hands on her hips… pushing her body down onto his… pushing his body up into hers. It...

“It was when she kissed him.

It was when she held him in her arms… falling on top of him… feeling her body shaking and coming and coming. It was when she felt his hands on her hips… pushing her body down onto his… pushing his body up into hers. It was when she felt his body tense up… and instead of pulling away she instinctively wrapped her body around his and pushed her hips into his… coaxing him until he pulsed and moaned and looked deeply into her eyes while she looked deeply back and moved her mouth closer and closer to his…

It was when she kissed him that she knew she still had feelings for him.”

- H

When women have such powerful, intimate moments with other men… it’s only natural that powerful, intimate feelings arise…
In other news… I’ve been texting my ex a lot recently.
- H When women have such powerful, intimate moments with other men… it’s only natural that powerful, intimate feelings arise…
In other news… I’ve been texting my ex a lot recently.
- H When women have such powerful, intimate moments with other men… it’s only natural that powerful, intimate feelings arise…
In other news… I’ve been texting my ex a lot recently.
- H

When women have such powerful, intimate moments with other men… it’s only natural that powerful, intimate feelings arise…

In other news… I’ve been texting my ex a lot recently.

- H

M got a new toy today. It’s a “fleshlight” we ordered a while ago. He timed it perfectly for tomorrow… for Valentine’s day… the day we’re finally going to start playing with “love” for the first time… our biggest taboo and turn on…

As soon as my ex comes over I’ll be in date mode with him. In our apartment. In me and my boyfriend’s home. Every fibre of my mind and body… and heart… is going to be devoted to him while my boyfriend sits in a dark corner and watches… and then listens… when we lock the bedroom door for the evening. We’ve talked and he might even stay the night. I really want that. A full night of unprotected, loving sex with my ex. I really want that for my boyfriend too. I want him to know just how intimate I’m starting to feel and be with my ex…

- H

H and I are writing this post together because tomorrow is going to be a big experience for us. We have our safety–if either of us says the safeword, we talk, and end it if necessary. But if all goes well, I’m sure I won’t be sleeping in our bed.

H wants me to hold off as long as I can. No masturbation, no touching while they eat and talk. Not so much as a noise out of me.

But as soon as the bedroom door locks, I’ll be free to do what I want. H wants me to use the fleshlight as much as I can–she wants me to hear and feel what I’m giving up.

She wants me to make a realistic effort, and have that effort be wasted, while she gives him everything.

God, I love my girlfriend.

- M

There must be a million thoughts running through her head… there must be a million things a woman must feel when she’s hooking up with her ex again… a person she has an entire history with… all those thoughts, memories, hidden little secrets… feelings…

And there must be a million more things she feels when she has a boyfriend. There’s probably a million questions too… is she cheating? Is he better? Is it his size? His stamina? His body? His attitude? His scent? His taste? The feeling of his body around hers? Is it passion? Horniness? Comfort and security? How much does she really want him? Could she see herself with him again? Does she want to do it again? Do what? Have sex? Fuck? Make love? Does she feel like she’s falling for him again? Did she ever love him in the first place? Does she still love him? Does she want to feel those feelings for him again…?

A million little things and thoughts and feelings that I guess none of us will ever know…

Well… maybe some of us know.

;)

- H

H has been a non-stop rub-and-tease-‘til-we’re-both-a-mess insatiable woman lately. I woke up last night to find her fingering herself and moaning his name and a bunch of trigger words. And when she saw I was watching, she replaced one of her hands with mine. She pressed my fingers into her and kept going. I’ve never felt her that wet.

And that’s the essence of this for us. To get so worked up that sex with her ex is not only a hot thought but an inevitable pleasure for her. To let her body communicate unabashedly what it wants, and to act on those desires despite any societal restrictions. To let our minds indulge those dark spaces, to embrace those trigger words and take control of them.

And that’s why we play with “love.” That’s why we play with “dating”, “ex”, “betrayal”, “cheat”, “unprotected”, “risk”, “bare”, “intimate”, etc. Those things are mostly fantasy (she has no plans on leaving me, she has no plans on loving her ex the same way she loves me, and her ex knows that) but we like the feelings associated with them. They’re taboo and wrong. And that turns us on.

So no, H won’t ever “love” her ex. She’s beginning to have an emotional connection again, she feels excitement and the flutter of infatuation, and her body floods with chemicals and hormones when she’s with him, but that’s what we want. That’s something we want to play with.

Not love, but the acts and feelings associated with it.

- M

A bit of my more extreme teasing play with M tonight…

I’ve really been getting more “excitement and emotions and things” with my ex lately… more intimate… M knows it and can see it and I love how anxious and constantly on edge and hard it’s making him. It’s really fun.

I wonder if he’ll really be okay when all of what I said becomes a reality though… I wonder if I asked him right now would he really sleep on the couch while my ex comes over… I wonder if I told him I love my ex right now… if he would come on the spot. We’ve been playing with that a lot today… me trying to make him come with just my words and me doing things with my body but him not being able to touch me…

And I know M is going to read this in a few minutes… so… M when you read this I want you to know I found your little Valentines idea list… I want you to know I saw this was one of the ideas you were really thinking hard about… and I want you to know this is what’s going to happen. That’s going to be my Valentines gift to you… to have a “love day and night” with my ex… in our bed… with the door locked so I can be alone and intimate with him…

I just need you to come and tell me you want me to… okay? I love you.

- H

I love making captions about our fantasies… or maybe things to come?

Oh M is so easy to tease…

- H

After my post on me being mean to M I thought I’d make another one with an idea M talked with me about last night.

He thinks on some level unconsciously (aside from or in addition to how much he might be a masochist and how much I might be a sadist) that all of this might be an act of love. In his words I “test how much he loves me” which is something very few other couples ever do.

And I think I agree. How much can you say you truly love your partner if they’ve never cheated on you? How much can you say you truly love your partner if you’ve never given them to the freedom to fuck other people or even fall in love with them? If they come back to you after all of that then it’s a concrete way of knowing your love is forever, and that is not something most normal couples can know. If you don’t explore those things with the person you love without guilt or societal pressures to stop or do the opposite, then how can you know you don’t enjoy them? And how can you say your partner is the best thing ever if you’ve never explored those other things at the height of their enjoyability?

I think it’s something a lot of people need to think about. And I think it’s something that describes us so well. We love each other and we’re willing to test that to any extent in both fantasy and reality.

- H

My biggest, scariest, craziest, most excitement-producing, most anxiety-provoking fantasy. (H risking pregnancy would be my second biggest, and vice versa for her, at least in terms of how they make us feel.) It’s something we’ve talked about since we started discussing open relationships, despite only talking about it as a serious possibility for the past few months.

She loves teasing me with it, and I love how she gets when she does. As I wrote this in fact, she kissed and stroked and grinned. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have her in my life.

- M